Turning Towards Anxiety

Tightness in your chest. A pit in your stomach. A racing heart. Anxiety. 

Our first instinct is usually to push it away. Anxiety can feel unbearable, and it’s natural to want it gone. But what if your anxiety isn’t the enemy? What if it’s actually trying to protect you, keep you safe, or prepare you? Instead of pushing it away, what if you turned toward it, with compassion and curiosity?

It might sound counterintuitive, but this gentle shift can reduce the intensity of anxiety. When we resist or fight anxiety, we often feed the cycle, and our nervous system reads that resistance as danger. Turning toward it interrupts that loop and helps signal safety.

Think of it like this: imagine a young child tugging at their mother’s pant leg, saying, “Mommy, mommy, mommy!” Ignoring the child doesn’t make them go away - it often makes them louder and more distressed. But when the mother kneels down, makes eye contact, and listens with kindness, the child begins to calm. They feel seen, heard, and safe.

Anxiety works much the same way. When we meet it with hatred or try to bury it, it doesn’t disappear. It tends to build up and show itself later, sometimes even louder. Like that child, anxiety just wants to know you’re listening. Meeting it with compassion tells your body’s alarm system that it’s safe to calm down.

Studies show that simply naming what we’re feeling can reduce activity in the brain’s fear center (Lieberman et al., 2007). Mindfulness and self-compassion research (Judson Brewer, Kristin Neff) also show that awareness and kindness toward difficult emotions can lower stress and improve emotional regulation.

This doesn’t mean you have to like your anxiety or welcome it with open arms. It’s completely understandable that anxiety feels uncomfortable. But approaching it with curiosity helps us understand it, and through understanding, we can soften its hold.

Here are a few ways to start:

1. Pause and name what’s happening.

Notice and label the emotion: “I’m feeling anxious right now.” That simple acknowledgment helps your brain regulate emotion.

2. Bring mindfulness to the body.

Take a slow, deep breath. Notice where the anxiety lives, maybe in your chest, your stomach, or your shoulders. You don’t need to fix it; just notice with kindness.

3. Ask your anxiety what it needs.

Take a moment to ask yourself, “What are you trying to protect me from?” or “What do you need right now?” Curiosity opens a door to understanding.

4. Offer yourself compassion.

Place a hand on your heart and say, “This is hard, but I can handle it.” Self-kindness helps soothe the body’s stress response and build resilience.

Remember that anxiety is a signal, not a flaw. When you meet it with compassion and curiosity instead of anger and avoidance, you’re teaching your nervous system that it’s safe to relax. Over time, this practice can make anxiety less overwhelming and help you build a steadier, kinder relationship with yourself.

If you find it difficult to face anxiety on your own, therapy can help. Working with a therapist provides a space to explore what your anxiety is trying to tell you, learn new ways to respond to it, and build tools to feel more grounded and at ease. You don’t have to do this work alone. 

Resources

Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological science, 18(5), 421–428.